Knowing you part #5

Meditation?

Meditation is studying my tool (The Mind) for this physical existence.

Meditation helps me see what my mind is doing and how it does what it does.

Meditation helps me know what is real or a waste of my energy.

Eventually, meditation helped me see that I taught my mind to do what it does. Through meditation, I can change my mind's responses.

At first, my mind didn't want me to do meditation because it was comfortable being in control and uncomfortable letting go. Now we have peace most of the time working together.

Notice while meditating," if you are focused on your breath," when a thought enters, you will not catch the thought right away, but you will notice your mind is thinking; this is when we say return to the breath and focus again on the breath; this is the practice of stopping our thoughts. We are widening the gap between thoughts because that gap is the opening to all that is infinite wisdom.

Acting is reacting, so if I am reacting, am I not acting?

Feelings at the beginning of life (childhood) turn into thinking, creating a different reality and my singleness/separation/aloneness. I am in a separate form creating thoughts of separation because I am not without structure. Those thoughts are all about making the self; those thoughts are self-centered and without Love. I was formless, and everything before I became separate form. I will return to everything when I depart from my physical state. World peace will be achieved when I realize I taught the Bio-computer between my ears to respond because I didn't know my true identity. That identity is that I am Love. I assumed an identity because I didn't know my true being; I had assumed everyone knew their identity, and then I created myself to be like everyone around me; even though I didn't feel good doing that within myself, I did what I thought I should or what my mind thought I should do. It sounded good to me at the time.

I am writing the journey into separation; in that description so that the trip back might be easier for others to find.

The main points in the departure from our true selves are the words that describe sensations for our departure. Those words include doubt, assumption, anticipation, confusion, and fear—the same feelings though different words for those sensations.

I can remember when I was a small child, around the age of 3 or 4, watching my parents fight. At that age, I didn't know why this loudness was happening, and I was not too fond of the feeling I felt, yet, the feeling was somehow familiar.

Looking back, these feelings are chemical reactions I encountered in different situations, and those feelings would show up when I was in doubt, anticipation, afraid, and assuming; it was also a major player in my needing to become like others, so I wasn't viewed as different. Example: If I met someone I am attracted to, I would learn what they said they liked in someone, how they dressed, how they moved, how they thought, what they seemed to enjoy in almost all situations, and then, because I could see where I 'might not' be what they wanted, I would doubt myself then fear the loss of that someone and assume I needed to change to be acceptable to that someone. All based on comparisons/judgment within my mind that unless I notice, it's almost impossible to change. These changes are what I did to myself in childhood with my parents, siblings, and those I assumed knew more about what I should be in this world. This is how I programmed my mind in childhood so I could co-exist in my surroundings of this physical existence, and it is the root program in my Bio-computer/mind. "Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

So, when I want to change the way, I taught my mind to think if I bump into anticipation or doubt, I can be pulled back into the cycle of my minds reasoning because it is reacting to the chemical reaction that the mind produces and it seems like the mind does not want to let go.

Notice the sensations while meditating, and as a sensation arrives, check to see what thought is behind the sensation. Is it anticipation? Am I anxious or fearful? Do I have an opinion judgment, am I stuck in a desired outcome, want or don't want? These are the usual places my mind goes, and any one of them drags me back into the cycle of my mind's reasoning.

An introduction to my partner!

If people are being honest when they are asked the question, "Do you love yourself?" Most will say, "I don't even like myself." Why? Because we are always at odds with ourselves. We are always arguing with our-self " Should I or shouldn't I?" The self constantly questions," Did I do the right thing?" Maybe I was wrong?" Did I really?"

My- self is constantly criticizing me, making me doubt what I am doing or saying, making me feel guilty, and the self constantly compares me to others and tells me I am not good enough or good looking, not as smart, not quick enough, etc. It is like a parent that won't let me breathe. Then I wonder why I don't like myself.

Why do we hide?

We hide because we doubt ourselves and assume the judgments of others by the way we think of ourselves. We think of ourselves and imagine others are thinking the same way about us. We want to appear suitable in other people's eyes, yet we have assumed we are not ok, then we assume we need to change. Our fears of "what will they think," "what will they do," or "what will they say" are the point where we give up our true selves and hide. Recreating ourselves starts in our families before going to school for the first time. We spend countless hours judging ourselves in comparison to others in childhood, and this continues through adulthood like a bad habit, and we don't see it. These thoughts are the mind cycle that unless we get in the way and reprogram our reactions by not reacting, they will continue strengthening the bars of our jail sell; we did create our own prison!

So, maybe this will help; I programmed my mind to behave this way through my reactions. If I change the way I react to my mind and its thoughts, then people will say, "he is not his self anymore!" That would be the truth; my mind would not be in control anymore I would. When I change my reactions to these questions and thoughts, I change the programming, changing my reality. Then I might start liking or even loving myself. People do not know "what" they are, and we work so hard to hide something so incredibly important as though we don't matter! So, whatever I think I am, is an illusion. What I am is felt, just like Love before thinking. Could it be that easy? Quite thinking, and there I am. Love!